Want Peace

Learning to resolve interpersonal differences makes marriage and family life fun, interesting and fulfilling.  By using “I Statements,” we take responsibility for our own thoughts and feelings.

Complaints can be very healthy:  We need to learn how to state our wants, needs, and desires directly so the people around us can understand exactly what we are saying. A good Complaint states openly what the person wants. For example: “I want to eat at home tonight. I am tired of eating out.” or “I want to eat at Bob Evans tonight. They have a special pot pie that I really like.”

This kind of a direct statement is easily understood and easily responded to by our family. “Okay, we can go to Bob Evans for the pot pie, but I want to eat at Panera next week.” Such statements may cause us to become a bit nervous about being selfish, but clear statements are much easier to deal with than hints that require us to read minds or a passive-aggressive response that erupts into a fight later.

Example:  Verbal comment: “Of course we can eat at the Greasy Spoon, dear.”

Internal self-talk: “That rat never does what I want. He always gets his way.”

The second way it seems humble but nearly always ends up in a fight for the internal discussion and self-talk is filled with Criticism and Contempt.

Criticism is blaming others

Contempt is shaming others

Remove all B.S. from your marriage and family life. Stop accusing others of being totally responsible for problems that have two or more people involved in them.  In a family, no one person is to blame, but all members must accept their part of the responsibility.

Want to know more? See my Ebook How to be Me in My Family Tree!