Speaking the truth in love we are to grow up in every way into Him... Ephesians 4:15
Helping is not for the benefit of Teacher but for the Learner. Our goal is to help ourselves to pass life, health and peace to people we know. We, like Jesus, come to serve not be served. The cause of much conflict and difficulty among Christians lies here. We all want others to help us.
Scripture is clear about the need for balance between love and truth, rest and action, challenge and submission. I read many criticisms of Christians and agree with most of them. I suggest that the primary problem with those who attack each other is not ideological but a lack of love. Without the fruit of the Holy Spirit even those who agree ideologically can get caught in a harmful conflict if we have no ability to "agree to disagree agree-ably."
It reminds me of an apocryphal story about a man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific Island for many long years. Finally one day a boat came sailing into view, and the man frantically waves to draw the skipper's attention. The boat came near the island and the sailors came on the island to greet the stranded man.
After the tour the sailor asked the man,
"Why are there three huts you have here?"
"Well, that's my house."
"What's that next hut?" asks the sailor.
"I built that hut to be my church."
"What about the other hut?"
"Oh, that's where I used to go to church.
One of our favorite philosophers was Pogo, a cartoon possum of the Forties and Fifties. He was fond of saying,
We have me the enemy and he is us. The cause of warring and fighting is not far from us for it is within us.
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Do they not they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but do not get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. James 4:1-3
We all need a heartectomy from the sword of the Spirit, the word of God. The term used here is desires. According to the Greek-Hebrew Key Study Bible, epithumeo is a specific type of desire meaning, "A passionate demand arising from natural desires." The nature of our flesh is selfish, demanding and unyielding on theological as well as personal matters. As James says, we fight and quarrel because of our selfish demands. He goes on to say that even our prayers are not answered because we ask from wrong motives in order to serve our selfish desires.