Wednesday, August 12, 2015

How to Have a Miserable Marriage

I have posted the dangers of Reactivity several times, including how it can destroy marriages and family life.  I ask my friends on a regular basis to list the major cause of marriage breakdowns and I hear the usual suspects.

Work, etc.

I understand why we think about specific topics when we discuss conflict. In fact, marketers know it and the try to hook us by mentioning these issues. They want us to buy their ideas and products that focus on bad money management or  pornography and they link them to the destruction of marriages. However, they are wrong. It is not a specific issue that has the most impacts a marriage but the inability to discuss and resolve any differences in a calm and cool manner.

Reactivity is the major cause of marriage and family destruction. 

(Its  "An inability to communicate effectively".)

Shouting at each other and accusing each other of evil intentions makes communication difficult or impossible.

If I cannot remain calm and peaceful when discussing food preferences and where to go for dinner, how can I discuss sex, money and in-laws??

The truth is that "Bruised people bruise people!" If I am bruised and developed no skills of resolving differences I will carry that inability into my job, my marriage and my parenting. If I saw only yelling and personal attacks from my parents and siblings then I may do the same thing with my new wife.

Scripture says that "Death or Life are in the power of the tongue!"

Attacking and yelling is death!

Caring and listening is life!

Let nothing come out of your mouth that does not encourage and build others up.

Go to my web page and watch a video Charlie McMahan and I did on this topic. 

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