Saturday, October 17, 2015
Dealing With Complaints
My recent post that included several complaints send or said to Preachers and Pastors got a lot of laughs and comments. I appreciate both. In an era when we are very concerned about personal attacks, bullying, mean people, etc, we need to learn how to fortify ourselves against those who utter bad things.
Rule #1. It is probably impossible to stop such attacks and comments. Many others and I have written books on it, preached about it, posted about it and so on it goes. I recently posted a chart I developed from the research of Dr. John Gottman. He is an expert at helping couples deal with differences in a healthy manner.
Gottman lays out several levels of interpersonal dynamics that explain how we tend to deal with negative interactions.
Level I. Contented and Harmonious: We are generally at peace when our relationships are here.
Level II. Complaints: People say they are unhappy: We tend to get upset and hurt if we hear anyone Complain. We think a Complaint about my hair style, clothes, preaching voice, or behavior means I must change. However, it can mean the person is upset and needs to discuss it with me. In fact, it can be a healthy Complaint.
The first thing a leaders can do when a Complaint occurs is LISTEN and clarify what the Complainer Needs.
How can we stay Peaceful in the midst of Complaints?