Stay balanced!
An adult is just a kid that has a bigger body but the same childish habits. Anonymous
Do you agree with this?
If so, why?
If not, why?
After Karen and I were married and living in Cincinnati we drove back "home" to Ina, Illinois several times a year. Karen often commented that as soon as I drove into my parent's home on The Spring Garden Road, I began to regress emotionally to my former childishness. She asked rhetorically, "What happened to that mighty man of God who preached the gospel around the world?"
Do you ever see yourself React at a Level 7.0 Earthquake to an event that a normal person would Respond as a Light Tremor of 3.0?
It is true that my Reactivity to Mother and Dad rose from a normal level 6.0 to 7.0. In some situations it was much higher. On some topics I would break out into a cold sweat and start shaking in Fight or Flight or Freeze. Why did I regress and React so strongly?
It is true that my Reactivity to Mother and Dad rose from a normal level 6.0 to 7.0. In some situations it was much higher. On some topics I would break out into a cold sweat and start shaking in Fight or Flight or Freeze. Why did I regress and React so strongly?
It is an amazing but true fact of life that there are
certain people in our families and work whom we allow to “push our
buttons”. One group is constantly doing
things that “make” us mad, sad, or frustrated.
We want to fight them or take flight to keep from having a fight. What is it about them that controls me and "makes" me act foolishly?
Another group “makes” us react in an opposite manner. They seem fragile and
helpless and it makes me want to rescue them or to protect them from other
people. The way they look and sound is
irresistible to my mercy side and I chronically find myself trying to care for
them. I simply cannot resist the temptation to put on a Superman suit and try to Rescue them.
Perhaps the most surprising group of all is made up of
people with whom I get along with quite well and with whom I have no problems
trying to rescue or resist. I can have a good
debate but keep cool and listen. I can
hear their woes yet remain calm. Their requests for loans of a few thousand
dollars do not move me to write a check and bail them out. I am at peace when
they are anxious.
My mentor and coach Dr. Friedman suggested that no one can "make" me feel strongly or react automatically. Friedman said that I need
to look at the log in my own eye before I find the fault in others. I
don't think that is very realistic. It
must be their problem. At least I hope so. It couldn’t be my problem could it? Is the Reactivity and Fight/Flight within me not in them?Am I pulling my own strings and pushing my own buttons? Yikes! How can that be?
The following exercise will help us decide whether it is my anxious reaction or
theirs.
On a scale of 1-10 where 1.0 is peaceful and non-reactive
and 10 is the extreme anxious reactivity, mark your level of Reactivity to the persons listed.
I. Fight or Flight. The ways I react with persons to either fight
their ideas or find a
way to take flight
away from them and their ideas.
A. Little or no emotional reactivity. This is a 1-3 on the
scale. Think of someone you can have a good, deep discussion with and stay
"unhooked." There are rarely
sparks or deep emotions and you can have a calm dialogue about almost any
topic.
Person
1
Person
2
B. Some Reactivity,
but I do not automatically want to flight or flee. It is 4-6 on the scale. A
person with whom I have occasional fights or flights with occasional anxious
blow-ups mixed with times of calmness and peace. It varies in intensity.
Person
1
Person
2
Major Chronic Reactivity. It is 7-10 on
the scale and describes a person with whom I conflict consistently. I get
emotional thinking about them. My heart beats faster and I want to run away or
tell him/her what I think. I cannot stand him/her.
Person
1
Person
2
II. Protect or
Rescue. The way I react to others who
are in need of assistance.
A. Little or no Emotional Reactivity toward protecting a hurting
person is 1-3 on the scale. I can interact with little or no desire to rescue
them. I can discuss problems, anxieties and needs without trying to save them.
I rationally respond to their needs.
Person
1
Person
2
B. Some Reactivity
of protecting is 4-6 on the scale. I feel sorry for the person, want to please
them, am concerned about their needs, wants and views and want to conform to
them. I often think about the persons
and worry about them. I can't discuss
their emotional issues, problems or concerns without feeling their feelings and
worrying that I should help them.
Person
1
Person
2
C. Major Reactivity of rescuing and protecting: This is a
7-10 on the scale. I compulsively think/worry about the person and their needs,
weaknesses, fears, or problems. I may
even be able to "read" their mind and "feel their feelings"
at the same level they feel them--or even more intensely.
Person
1
Person
2
If you were able to face these patterns in your life and go through the check list you are in a better situation to Renew your mind and find more self-control. The book Power Christian Thinking can be very helpful to anyone who wants to stop being controlled by others.
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