When a man and woman marry, the primary interaction is one on one. However, when she gets pregnant and has a baby, the passion, interest and energy of the mom is usually diverted to the child and the interactions change from husband and wife to wife, baby, mother in law, other moms,, Pediatrician, to husband. Such change is normal, necessary and to be expected. However, it disturbs the ways couple have been communicating before.
It takes a good bit of maturity and understanding on the part of both but especially Dad! First, because it is unexpected. No one told dad that the entire marital system would be totally rebuilt when the first baby shows up. In fact, it is rare for anyone to even consider that marriage is a system that changes radically every time a new person enters or another person leaves through death, moving or illness. That is why we are never prepared for such the radical changes.
Karen and I were unprepared for such changes and as a result each of us suffered from useless anger, defensiveness, and stinking thinking over every natural family alteration. That is why "Alterations can become Altercations!"
Now we are grandparents and the alterations keep on coming. We are much better prepared now than we ever were before because we studied "The Family as a System" rather than just two, three, or four individuals. My book,
How to be Me in My Family Tree can help you understand your own system and avoid turning "Alterations into Altercations"!
Sweeten Life Systems, Inc provides buffers and ideas that allow people to face changes with mercy, grace and peace. You can learn from us or stay like you are.