Real Life Example
I presented these materials at
a recent conference. Before the talk, I received a note from a woman whose
husband had divorced her for another woman. She asked ‘how do I deal with such
an evil man now that we are divorced? Should I allow him to be with our
children? He is really a bad person and I think his presence will damage the
children.’
After hearing my teaching, she
wrote me another note. ‘I now know why my husband wanted to be with someone
else. I never gave him a chance to tell his side of things and I attacked him
about a lot of issues. Thanks for telling me this information. I am going to
ask him for forgiveness and tell him that he can see the children.’
Let
me hasten to add that this could have been a man. Being critical is not
limited to females. Many persons see
themselves as the innocent parties in a divorce or serious marital conflict. If
they never committed adultery or other gross sins, they perceive themselves to
be innocent. However, the sins of the tongue can be damaging to intimate
relationships as are the sins of pornography and physical sex.
The data about stress, anxiety, blood
pressure, and heart rates are also applicable to every relationship. For
example, church and business conflicts produce the same cycle of anger,
resentment and revenge as a marriage. It is helpful to see church groups as
extended families with spiritual connections. Spiritual connections have
physical ramifications, and when one is suffering from enormous stresses at
work or church, they also affect us at home, leading more easily to emotional
flooding.
As usual, we can learn from Jesus how
reactivity and verbal attacks harm people. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus
talked about the difference between the OT teaching on murder and His wisdom on
it.
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