After having tried to teach interpersonal communication, and conflict management in several nations and many parts of the US, let me applaud those attempting to clarify the issues. May I suggest some keys to good relationships?
1. Every interpersonal communication event is “Cross Cultural”. No two people come from the same culture.Yep, even siblings and family members have different parents. So listening rather than talking is the key to accurate understanding.
2. About the greatest cause of misunderstanding between people is not a disagreement over the answer but a lack of agreement over the question. "I realize you are upset with what you think I said but you do not realize that what I said is not what I meant. In fact, what are we discussing?"
3. In a disagreement our brains get all fuzzy, confused and interested in Fight or Flight. This makes clear communication even more challenging.
4. The single most important skill is listening to clarify not talking to make a point. Clarity about the issue, the question, the emotional importance, etc will make or break a disagreement.
5. What is “truth” is not necessarily “factual”. When my wife asks, “Does this dress make me look fat,” she does not want facts.
6. My perceptions are my reality. The human brain is not interested in facts. It is always on alert for ways to protect and survive. My reaction is to my perception not your reality.
Want to learn more? See my book, Power Christian Thinking.
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