The Danger of Family Enmeshment and Hysteria

Before I went to grad school I had no idea that groups of people and even entire nations can  experience "Mass Hysteria". It is a condition caused by a "Mind Meld".  One of the main ideas to emerge from research on families and groups is that individuals  can actually "merge together into one." 

I saw it all the time when I was doing a lot of counseling, especially between a parent and a child or a man and wife. A joke that fits the situation shows a man and wife eating dinner. He says to her, "Why did you order dessert? You know I am on a diet." 

She had to do exactly what he did. The opposite is also true. My aunt said, " My dad will never make me vote for a Democrat like he was. I am always going to vote Republican." Her dad had been dead for 50 years but she was still being controlled by him. Her mind had never separated from his mind.

The origin is in the home. Researchers discovered that mothers and a child can get so close emotionally that they feel like they are one and cannot really separate or differentiate themselves into two separate beings. If Baby is sad Mother will also be sad. If Mother is happy Baby will share her feelings. That may be normal when a woman is pregnant but after birth the normal development process demands that the child to be "differentiated" from her mother and have different feelings at the same time. 

This is how we describe the difference between EMPATHY and SYMPATHY. A mother can Empathize with her child but have different Feelings.  Let's say that the Baby cries over having to go to bed and Mother Empathizes with her situation and comforts her. However, if Mother actually feels her feelings and begins to cry with her it is SYMPATHY or even ENMESHED because they merge together into one emotional clump. 

When two members of a family fail to differentiate themselves from other members, the family will be unable to function in a rational manner. It violates the process of growth laid out in Gen 2:24. For this reason, a man shall leave his mother and father and commit to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were naked and not ashamed. 

If you want to grow up and think like an adult, take a look at our materials and videos designed to facilitate healthy Christian living.   See especially Power Christian Thinking and How to be me in my Family Tree.