There is a lot of stuff about Empathy discussed on TED Talks, written in magazines, and debated on TV. However, much of it is a bit off kilter.
I have done a lot of research, writing, and equipping on the topic of Empathy and helping relationships. As in
most things, the definition is key to the term. It is easy to get confused and think Empathy, Compassion, Sympathy, and Altruism are the same.
Our interpersonal interactions can vary from being a caring friend to offending others. Dr. Richard Walters, one of my most important Mentors, did a study on the ways we relate to others that can either build them up or tear them down. He led me to examine and compare Apathy, Empathy, Sympathy, and Enmeshment.
Our interpersonal interactions can vary from being a caring friend to offending others. Dr. Richard Walters, one of my most important Mentors, did a study on the ways we relate to others that can either build them up or tear them down. He led me to examine and compare Apathy, Empathy, Sympathy, and Enmeshment.
1. Apathy-Unconcerned about how others think, feel,
or act.
2. Empathy-An intentional desire and action to
understand and respond to others’ thoughts, actions, and feelings with the
cognitive ability to differentiate and respond according to what is best for
the person, self, and society.
3. Sympathy-An intuitive and unconscious fellow
feeling with another’s person’s feelings. This "Feeling With Others" can be so intense that it is difficult to differentiate my own feelings from their feelings. If they are sad, I cry. If they are happy, I laugh. This is wonderful if done in small doses. However, carried to an extreme it can lead to:
4. Enmeshment-Being swallowed up and overwhelmed by
another person’s feelings. It is an inability to differentiate my feelings from their feelings.
A Story About these Various Approaches to relating. A man was out hunting mushrooms when he felt the ground collapse under his feet and he fell into a pit that was 10 feet deep. He tried and tried but could not escape.
Enmeshment. Man #4 came by and saw the pit and heard his cry for help. He ran over, saw the victim, and jumped down into the pit with the victim, hugged him and they both cried together in despair.
Apathy: Man one came and herd the men cry out for assistance. He ran over to the hole, looked in and said, "I am sorry but I am in a big hurry and can't take the time to pull you out. He went on his way.
Empathy: Man #2 came by, heard the cry and ran over to the pit. He knelt down and asked the men what he wanted to do. Heard that he wanted the guy to get a rope and pull him out. The guy agreed and quickly followed through but was not strong enough to do the job alone.
Sympathy: Man # 3 heard the cry and rushed over to the pit. He fell on his stomach and asked how the victims were feeling. By this time they was terrified, and crying so the rescuer started weeping profusely with him. After some time, the rescuers went to get a rope and pulled them out.
I train people to interact with empathy but learn to differentiate from their feelings and actions. The inability to differentiate oneself and one’s ethics and morals is called “Co-Dependency” in addiction circles. It is called “Counter Transference” in Psychology.
Sympathy: Man # 3 heard the cry and rushed over to the pit. He fell on his stomach and asked how the victims were feeling. By this time they was terrified, and crying so the rescuer started weeping profusely with him. After some time, the rescuers went to get a rope and pulled them out.
I train people to interact with empathy but learn to differentiate from their feelings and actions. The inability to differentiate oneself and one’s ethics and morals is called “Co-Dependency” in addiction circles. It is called “Counter Transference” in Psychology.
Shalom,
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