Friday, January 18, 2013

Mission 2013 # 13. Dr. Sweeten: Health Advice from the Doctor

As we all know, there are numerous studies about how to live longer, healthier lives. However, the poor consumer is confused because scientists seem confused about not only global warming but also how to eat what is healthy. Finally, Dr. Sweet En has come up with a Q&A that resolves all that. (The name says it all.)


Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it...  Don't waste on
exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make
you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving
faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If
you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they
take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.
Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one.  Sorry.  My philosophy: No pain ... good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food fried in vegetable oil.  How getting more
vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be
doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best
feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what
a ride!!"


For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently
what kills you!

  Remember, God told St. Peter that He had made all food clean.


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