Sexual Healing (Not the Song)

Six of the top ten most read articles in World and Christianity Today magazines in 2013 were, if my memory serves me right, about sex. In fact, they were about what can be called USA (Unwanted Sexual Attraction).

The articles themselves were all by Christians with a conservative theology. In most cases they were filled with emotional attacks on people to struggle with USA, especially those who do not struggle but accept them attractions.In fact, some seemed to indicate that having an Unwanted Sexual Attraction was tantamount to being an unpardonable sin.

This coming weekend Charlie and I will try to answer the pressing question whether it is possible to a person who has been involved in non-marital sexual relations for many years can be changed, healed and transformed. Is Breaking Free a reality? Read my PDF. download and see

What think ye?

Sex and the End of the World

My friend Charlie McMahan, the Chief Catalyzer at Southbrook Christian Church in Dayton is doing a fantastic job of teaching/preaching about sex and the Bible. It will expand your horizons if you can take it! It is NUCLEAR!!

The talk he gave the past three weeks, including today, are perhaps the best I have ever heard on the topic of sex, relationships, fallen nature and marriage. I urge you to watch all three but the message of today is not up yet. (News Alert: It is up and running.Do not miss it.)

There is enough to shock and maybe offend typical believers so be careful lest your assumptions get shaken.  This is not your high school parent volunteer who is embarrassed about his own sexual exploits.

Get ready by ordering my book, Breaking Free because you are going to need healing after you watch these great sermons. By the way, Charlie and I finish up next week with a dialogue discussion on healing and growth.  I wonder what I can say?

With broken hearts, broken families and broken bodies all around us it is a series of great importance to healing and Christian growth. 

Communication and Miscommunication are Rampant

After having tried to teach interpersonal communication, and conflict management in several nations and many parts of the US, let me applaud those attempting to clarify the issues. May I suggest some keys to good relationships?

1. Every interpersonal communication event is “Cross Cultural”. No two people come from the same culture.Yep, even siblings and family members have different parents. So listening rather than talking is the key to accurate understanding.

2. About the greatest cause of misunderstanding between people is not a disagreement over the answer but a lack of agreement over the question. "I realize you are upset with what you think I said but you do not realize that what I said is not what I meant. In fact, what are we discussing?"

3. In a disagreement our brains get all fuzzy, confused and interested in Fight or Flight. This makes clear communication even more challenging.

4. The single most important skill is listening to clarify not talking to make a point. Clarity about the issue, the question, the emotional importance, etc will make or break a disagreement. 

5. What is “truth” is not necessarily “factual”. When my wife asks, “Does this dress make me look fat,” she does not want facts.

6. My perceptions are my reality. The human brain is not interested in facts. It is always on alert for ways to protect and survive. My reaction is to my perception not your reality.

Want to learn more? See my book, Power Christian Thinking.

What does it take to have a great relationship?

Empathy!!!

Unfortunately, most people misunderestimate what it is.  This video says there is a lot of empathy here but I am not so sure. See what you think.

Gary Sweeten

Slow Changes; Why So Long? 3

We can see people go through these different stages in the Bible. Read the following report and see each stage Peter goes through.

Acts 10:10 At Caesarea there was a man named Cornelius, a centurion of what was known as the Italian Cohort, ² a devout man who feared God with all his household, gave alms liberally to the people, and prayed constantly to God. ³ About the ninth hour of the day he saw clearly in a vision an angel of God coming in and saying to him, “Cornelius.” ⁴ And he stared at him in terror, and said, “What is it, Lord?” And he said to him, “Your prayers and your alms have ascended as a memorial before God. ⁵ And now send men to Joppa, and bring one Simon who is called Peter; ⁶ he is lodging with Simon, a tanner, whose house is by the seaside.” ⁷ When the angel who spoke to him had departed, he called two of his servants and a devout soldier from among those that waited on him, ⁸ and having related everything to them, he sent them to Joppa.

⁹ The next day, as they were on their journey and coming near the city, Peter went up on the housetop to pray, about the sixth hour. ¹⁰ And he became hungry and desired something to eat; but while they were preparing it, he fell into a trance ¹¹ and saw the heaven opened, and something descending, like a great sheet, let down by four corners upon the earth. ¹² In it were all kinds of animals and reptiles and birds of the air. ¹³ And there came a voice to him, “Rise, Peter; kill and eat.” ¹⁴ But Peter said, “No, Lord; for I have never eaten anything that is common or unclean.” ¹⁵ And the voice came to him again a second time, “What God has cleansed, you must not call common.” ¹⁶ This happened three times, and the thing was taken up at once to heaven.

¹⁷ Now while Peter was inwardly perplexed as to what the vision which he had seen might mean, behold, the men that were sent by Cornelius, having made inquiry for Simon’s house, stood before the gate ¹⁸ and called out to ask whether Simon who was called Peter was lodging there. ¹⁹ And while Peter was pondering the vision, the Spirit said to him, “Behold, three men are looking for you. ²⁰ Rise and go down, and accompany them without hesitation; for I have sent them.” ²¹ And Peter went down to the men and said, “I am the one you are looking for; what is the reason for your coming?” ²² And they said, “Cornelius, a centurion, an upright and God-fearing man, who is well spoken of by the whole Jewish nation, was directed by a holy angel to send for you to come to his house, and to hear what you have to say.” ²³ So he called them in to be his guests.

Anybody here struggle to change when God calls? 

Does this encourage you or discourage you as a Christian?

Let me know! 

I am Changing Slowly 2.

There is much evidence in the Bible that says people do not make dramatic changes quickly. It often takes God and man several interactions to motivate people to change.  Prochaska and Di Clemente discovered Six Stages in each case of change.

1.     Pre-Contemplation: I have not thought I had a problem. Ignorance of a problem.

2.     Contemplation: A light goes on and I think I might have a problem.

3.     Considering a Change: Someday I will make a change.

4.     Change Begun-I will do it now

5.     Change Continues-Maintenance-

6.     Change Completed

7.     I added #7. Integrating insights for Wellness

Can you think of any of the Christian leaders in the Bible who struggled through these stages and even relapsed? Who?Read Humpty Dumpty for examples.

Slow Changes in Life 1

There is a good bit of resistance from people when we say that change is usually long and hard fought. Many seem to think that any and all change SHOULD be instantaneous. Smokers and drinkers SHOULD be able to stop those habits immediately. Husbands SHOULD be able to lay down their lives for their wives and wives SHOULD be able to peacefully submit to a husband without a struggle. I am sure you can think of other areas in which a person SHOULD be able to stop old habits and start new ways of living.

Many of us love to SHOULD on others about how to change. When we see a friend do something we consider to be wrong we think and even say: “They SHOULD act differently.” However, research on change indicates that all of us go through various stages before any major changes are made and kept.

There is much evidence people do not make dramatic changes quickly. Prochaska and Di Clemente discovered Six Stages in each case of change.I added another Stage. They are:

1. Pre-Contemplation: I do not think I need to change.
2. Contemplation: I think I might need to change some day
3. Count the cost of a change.
4. Make the Change Decision
5. Continue to work on change and not relapse.
6. Complete that particular change
7. Continue to add changes into my wellness
 Want to know more? Get my book, Hope and Change for Humpty Dumpty.
Can you think of any big decisions with these steps in them?