The high school from which I graduated, Mt. Vernon, Illinois, many decades ago has worked to keep in touch with each other over the years. The internet has allowed us to maintain many good relationships. At our ages it also means grieving the losses of family, friends and pets. Yes, I said pets. Let's admit that some of our best relationships have come from loving pet so when we lose them we grieve.
Some of my favorite churches have a strong desire to be a community of love and healing for us when we grieve. Unfortunately the goal can be derailed by the stress of grief. As I look at the past few years and months of some churches history I see a very high number of losses that are effecting the mental, relational and spiritual health of each person and family and the church family. Trust, peace and unity are usually the first casualties of this warfare. This is the “collateral damage” that comes from death, loss of members, family dysfunctions and disappointing events.
Research indicates that anxious stress can weaken our immune system and allow germs and viruses that are otherwise dormant to cause symptoms and sicknesses. Researchers made a list for life change events and gave each event a stress number.
Below are a number of normal life-change events. Place a circle around the numbers in the mean value column for each of those events that have happened to you during the last 12 months. The total number will be explained below. Holmes & Rahe (1967) Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 11:213-219. My last post mentioned that joy and happiness are strongly correlated with having good relationships. However, the deeper the relationship[s, the deeper the grief when the relationship ends.
After looking over the following list make you own list and figure up the points.
- Death of spouse 100
- Divorce 73
- Marital separation 65
- Detention in jail or other institution 63
- Death of a close family member 63
- Major personal injury or illness 53
- Marriage 50
- Being fired from work 47
- Marital reconciliation 45
- Retirement 45
- Major change in the health or behavior of family member 44
- Pregnancy of spouse/partner 40
- Sexual difficulties 39
- Gaining a new family member (through birth, adoption etc) 39
- Major business readjustment (merger, reorganization, etc) 35
- Major change in financial state (a lot worse off or a lot better off) 37
- Death of a close friend 37
- Changing to a different type of work 36
- Major change in the number of arguments with spouse (a lot more or less) 35
- Taking on a significant (to you) mortgage 31
- Foreclosure on a mortgage or loan 30
- Major change in responsibilities at work (promotion, demotion, transfer) 29
- Son or daughter leaving home (marriage, attending college, etc) 29
- In-law troubles 29
- Outstanding personal achievement 28
- Partner beginning or ceasing work outside the home 26
- Beginning or ceasing formal schooling 25
- Major change in living conditions (building a new home, remodeling) 25
- Revision of personal habits (dress, manners, association etc) 25
- Troubles with the boss 23
- Change in residence 20
- Changing to a new school 19
- Major change in usual type and/or amount of recreation 19
- Major change in church or spiritual activities (a lot more or less than usual) 19
- Major change in social activities (clubs, dancing, movies, visiting, etc) 18
- Taking on a small mortgage or loan (purchasing a car, TV, freezer, etc) 17
- Major change in sleeping habits (lot more or a lot less sleep, or change) 16
- Major change in number of family get togethers (a lot more or a lot less) 15
- Major change in eating habits (a lot more or a lot less food intake) 15
- Holiday or vacation 13
- Christmas or other major holiday celebration 12
- Minor violations of the law (traffic tickets, jaywalking, etc) 11
Add the circled items to obtain your score
Stressful events affect us body and soul and their effects last for months or even years. The trauma that resulted from 911 were immediate and long term. The greatest effects after the bombing of Oklahoma City were noticed nine months following the blast when depression, suicide, alcohol related problems and family conflicts were the highest. Stress events are similar to throwing a rock into a pool of water making waves that slap up on the shore long after the initial event has passed.
According to the Holmes-Rahe statistical prediction model, a score of 150 or less means a relatively low amount of life change and a low susceptibility (about 30% probability) to stress-related illness within two years.
A score of 151 to 299 implies a 50% probability of a stress related illness. A score of 300 or above implies an 80% probability of experiencing a negative health change.
These predictions are not definite. What produces a change in health status is an interaction of many things such as how significant those life events are to you, your personal capacity to cope with change, and the available support through family, work and friends. However, completing the inventory can give you some insight into the STRESSORS that are potentially dangerous to your health and well-being.
One of the key points to remember is that stress makes us more susceptible to infections and communicable diseases. In fact, many people who get sick during an epidemic are not infected with the virus but have heart attacks, strokes, family disputes, back problems, etc. Although we may not see physical illness increase there is no doubt that mental, relational, organizational and spiritual dis-ease is a result of trauma.
Go to my web page for materials and video tapes on successfully dealing with stress.
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