Conflict and Communication 2

According to Dr. John Gottman, the greatest cause of conflict and divorce is not an issue but any issue. That is, any issue where we hold differing ideas, ideals, values, emotional attachments, convictions, etc. This is why we need to understand ourselves before we can truly understand others.  This is true for marriages, politics, religion, education, taxes, homes, cars, etc.

Conflict can either strengthen or destroy a relationship, including marriage. The way couples handle differences and the resultant conflict is the most significant difference between being successful or unsuccessful. Those who handle differences appropriately are able to make it through life with success. They will not divorce or suffer other traumatizing problems. If, however, they cannot deal effectively with the differences which plague every couple, they will very likely separate and divorce.

Couples and others such as churches and groups come to a critical path in the road of togetherness. If they travel along the positive path the marriage will grow. If not, it will dissolve. The fork in the road is:  attack or attend. If one personally attacks the other, the relationship is in real danger. If they find a way to attend to each other the relationship will grow. 


Want to learn new communication skills? Here is how. Read Humpty Dumpty.

Success at Work

What does it take to get ahead in your career? More than technical expertise, more than degrees or certifications, more than anything else, it takes people skills. People who know how to treat staff fairly, who work with others collaboratively, who know how to negotiate and problem solve. These are the people that will succeed.

Want to check it out for yourself? Have a look in the careers section of any newspaper. We did recently and found employers that were looking for “an astute

negotiator,” “strong problem solving skills,” “the ability to think on your feet with tact and diplomacy,” “team building skills,” “exceptional skills in consensus-building,” “superior interpersonal skills,” “ability to influence, negotiate, build relationships and manage change,” “strength in dispute resolution,” and a “collaborative work style.” These are quotes from actual ads for a whole variety of different positions.

Why are these types of skills so valuable? Because these are the skills that are completely transferable, from one job to another, and from one company to another. Technical requirements may change from job to job, but the ability to work with others doesn’t. And, regardless of IQ or education or experience, we can’t do our jobs successfully without input, support, and assistance from the people we work with. If we don’t know how to manage issues, problems, and crises as they arise (and they always will), we won’t be successful – no matter how much subject matter expertise we have.

People who know how to negotiate and problem solve are people who are adaptable, communicative, and focused. Exactly the kind of employee every employer wants!

By  Jasmine Archibald

Who are the Special Kids?

An estimated 570,913 Ohio children (20.9%) under the age of 18 had at least one special health care need in 2008 (71.7% of children did not have a special health care need.  7.5% is unknown). 

Most children who “screen in” with special needs do so after commencing grade school, hence a disproportionate number of CSHCN are in older age categories (43.5% age 6-12, 39.3% age 13-17) and tend to be more male (58.8%) compared to children without special health care needs.

Black children are disproportionately represented as having a special health care need: 

16.2% compared to 13.6% of non-CSHCN. CSHCN are more likely to reside in a household with a divorced or separated parent 19.8% vs 14.1%. 

More than 60% of all parents surveyed have some college. The level of college education differs: 32.8% who are not caring for a CSHCN have completed a 4-year college degree compared to 27.1% of parents who have a child with CSHCN 

Want to know more? 

A professional? 

Why Can't We All Get Along? Rodney King

Tigers can also fight!

Conflict and broken relationships are some of the most bedeviling issues that face pastors and Christian leaders. For many years I operated like a bull in a china shop and told people exactly what I thought. I fully expected them to agree with me and do what I told them was wise. How could I have been so wrong? It took my Post Doctoral work in human relationships along with a dissertation on scripture and relationships to show me how wrong I was.

I learned how differently people see the same events. It is still a shock that my wife of 50+ years does not really understand what I am saying. I am so clear tit amazes me when she misunderstands.  Then I remember the elephant.

It was six men of Indostan

To learning much inclined, Who went to see the Elephant

(Though all of them were blind), That each by observation, Might satisfy his mind

The First approached the Elephant,

And happening to fall

Against his broad and sturdy side,

At once began to bawl:

“God bless me! but the Elephant

Is very like a wall!”

The Second, feeling of the tusk,

Cried, “Ho! what have we here

So very round and smooth and sharp?

To me ’tis mighty clear

This wonder of an Elephant

Is very like a spear!”

The Third approached the animal,

And happening to take

The squirming trunk within his hands,

Thus boldly up and spake:

“I see,” quoth he, “the Elephant

Is very like a snake!”

The Fourth reached out an eager hand,

And felt about the knee.

“What most this wondrous beast is like

Is mighty plain,” quoth he;

“ ‘Tis clear enough the Elephant

Is very like a tree!”

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,

Said: “E’en the blindest man

Can tell what this resembles most;

Deny the fact who can

This marvel of an Elephant

Is very like a fan!”

The Sixth no sooner had begun

About the beast to grope,

Than, seizing on the swinging tail

That fell within his scope,

“I see,” quoth he, “the Elephant

Is very like a rope!”

And so these men of Indostan

Disputed loud and long,

Each in his own opinion

Exceeding stiff and strong,

Though each was partly in the right,

And all were in the wrong!

Moral:  So oft in theologic wars,

The disputants, I ween,

Rail on in utter ignorance

Of what each other mean,

And prate about an Elephant

Not one of them has seen!

John Godfrey Saxe (1816-1887) based on a fable that was told in India

What do you see when you look at different people?

AVIS (CBS13) — A UC Davis economics professorhas determined there is no American Dream.

Gregory Clark is sharing his research as a hard truth with no hope—whether or not you can get ahead in America is as predictable as any formula  In fact, he says, the formulas for social mobility in the United States show there’s nothing to dream about.

“America has no higher rate of social mobility than medieval England, Or pre-industrial Sweden,” he said. “That’s the most difficult part of talking about social mobility is because it is shattering people s dreams.”

Clark crunched the numbers in the U.S. from the past 100 years. His data shows the so-called American Dream—where hard work leads to more opportunities—is an illusion in the United States, and that social mobility here is no different than in the rest of the world “The status of your children, your grandchildren, your great grandchildren your great-great grandchildren will be quite closely related to your average status now,” he said.

UC Davis students CBS13 spoke to dismissed the findings.

“The parents’ wealth has an effect on ones life but it’s not the ultimate deciding factor,” Andy Kim said.

Clark has heard the naysayers before.

“My students always argue with me, but I think the thing they find very hard to accept, is the idea that much of their lives can be predicted from their lineage and their ancestry,” he said.

Stuck in a social status is no American Dream—Clark says it’s the American reality.

“The good news is that this is coming from an economist, because economists are used to being unpopular, and so we are the right people to bear this message that the world is a limiting place,” he said. There’s one caveat to the study, and that is for any one of us, there is always an exception to the rule.

It as published by the Council on Foreign Relations.

Do you agree? Can you think of ways to change your status? Read Power Christian Thinking.

Children in Ohio with Specials Needs

Compared to children without special health care needs, CSHCN have 1. difficulty accessing a required level of professional help to align care and referrals among different health care providers and services, 

2. have higher unmet needs, and 

3. incur more impediments to health care access in general. 4. Families with CSHCN face higher major medical costs than families who do not have a child with special health care needs. 5. Lack of health insurance and poorer health status are associated with greater levels of unmet needs and health care access.

Based on a national sample of children aged 0-17 years from the 2000 Medical Expenditure Panel Survey (MEPS) CSHCN accounted for 42.1% of the total health care expenditures in this age category (not including dental costs). Families with CSHCN were two and a half times more likely to have spent more than $1,000 out of pocket in health care expenditures than families who did not have a child requiring special health care needs.

There are a number of factors that predispose (e.g. age, gender, race /ethnicity) and enable (e.g. insurance coverage, usual source of care) access to needed and adequate health care. Along with the nature and severity of the illness or condition, these factors determine what level of health care access a child receives. Much of the academic research studying health care access for CSHCN focuses on the child’s level of health care insurance.

Want to know more? See our web page. 

We have also set up a new organization to work with professionals, medical groups, government agencies, etc. 

Family Week is This Week in Ohio, Nov. 25, 2014

I am very happy to send this along to my readers. It is from 

The State of Ohio, Mental Health and Addiction Department

  

Families are an essential part of the cultural, social spiritual and economic fabric that helps shape Ohio. In recognition of the key role they play, Gov. John R. Kasich has designated Thanksgiving Week (Nov. 23-29) as “Family Week” in Ohio. OhioMHAS is proud to join with the Kasich Administration, the Ohio Council of Behavioral Health and Family Services Providers and others in celebrating Ohio families. We’re also pleased to share the following Council resources:

The attached statements by the state are fabulous. Read them and affirm what the state us doing. If you want to learn how to strengthen families, see our web.

Diversity in Ohio

Profile of Children with Special Health Care Needs in Ohio Office Family Health Services. Anthony Goudie, Ph.D, Gerry Fairbrother, Ph.D., Lisa Simpson, MB, BCh, MPH, FAAP Keith Mandel, M.D.

Children with special health care needs (CSHCN) constitute a vulnerable subpopulation with elevated needs and complicated utilization of health care services. Based on analysis of the 2008 Ohio Family Health Survey (OFHS) an estimated 570,000 children have special health care needs, representing 20.9% of all children aged 0-17 in Ohio.

This report addresses three aims in attempting to understand the health care needs and problems CSHCN encounter; the first is to present a profile of who these children are; secondly, what kinds of problems and barriers do they encounter when interacting with the health care system, and finally to determine the magnitude of these problems in comparison to children without special health care needs.

Sweeten Life Systems has developed tools and processes to support these families. If you want to fully support all families, regardless of their race, color or disability, give us a shout out and go to our web page.


Families are an Asset!(R) 

YWAM Vision of Influence

While on a vacation/retreat in Colorado in 1975 Loren Cunningham received a powerful vision from God. It has guided YWAM to develop into the largest Christian Mission in the world. Here is a summary of what Loren heard God say.
YWAM must impact all seven Spheres of Influence in order to bring masses of people to Christ. The seven areas are.

1. The Family
2. The church Family
3. Education and Training
4. Economics, Science, Industry, Research, Innovation, Medicine
5. Media and Communication
6. Arts, Entertainment, Sports,
7. Governance, Politics, Leadership
In my view, this is a brilliant picture of how God will impact nations. YWAM has outreaches in every one of these areas. The ministries we have founded also focus on every one of these areas. However, our specialty is "Building a lifetime of great relationships with God, Self and Others".

In 1975, the same year, Bill Bright received a similar vision. I also switched from Christian Education to developing the Teleios Center at my church.

Now we equip Christians to become involved in all Seven Spheres and use their superior knowledge, skills and Christian wisdom to have an eternal impact.  Get my book, Healing Release of the Holy Spirit to see how.

YWAM: God's Force for Spiritual Revolutions

I have been reading a vision Loren Cunningham, the visionary founder of Youth With A Mission received in 1975. It is a fantastic vision that energized Loren and gave him guidance ever since. Listen and watch Loren tell about it in this video. 

 We at Sweeten Life are quite familiar with YWAM and its innovative, creative and dynamic missionary outreaches. It is, by far, the most innovative Christian organization I know. I think one reason is the original vision is very holistic so every sphere of influence is a target for the YWAM outreach.

Our mission and vision are similar to that Loren received in 1975. When I was President of Equipping Ministries and later as President of Sweeten Life we trained YWAM Missionaries in Counseling, Small Groups and Theology. They continue to use that training in many places. 

Break The Poverty Cycle

We have tried to declare war on poverty but I think we lost. It seems that the people who designed the war had a lot of compassion but not much wisdom about how people respond to money, rewards and punishments. There is an old saying in Ministry:

If you want more of the same behavior, reward it.

If you want less, punish it. 

In the war on poverty we rewarded the behavior that brings Poverty and punished the behavior that brings Prosperity. Then it is called a Death Spiral.

Can you think of any families, cities or nations that have been in a Death Spiral?

List them in your head:

1.
2.
3.

We equip Christians to prosper spiritually, emotionally and financially. Wherever Christians have lived by the precepts of the Bible they have developed communities of health and growth. You can get the materials and learn how to teach others yourself by applying them to your own life. 

Multiply Ministers in Missions

Listening for Heaven's Sake in Russian

Why do we not send American Missionaries overseas?

Because they are not as effective as national Missionaries! It is less expensive and much more efficient to train locals than it is to recruit, train and support an American.

We partner with nationals. We recruit passionate, spiritually mature, committed, and teachable locals who volunteer to teach others. 

The Early Church grew at the rate of 40% per year for 300 years by making Converts into Disciples. That is how we have multiplied our leadership in over 100 nations. They are established to be Disciple Makers. We go to Make Disciples not just Make Converts. We know we have been successful when our Disciples are recruiting and making disciples themselves.

22 Years of Expansion in Russia

Even before the Soviet Union collapsed we knew God was calling us to set up our equipping ministry in Russia. We did not know how we could do it behind the Iron Curtain but we believed God was pointing us toward that vast land of 11 Time Zones.

Then, miraculously, in 1989, the whole facade collapsed like an empty balloon. The enslaved populace was set free from the evil slavery of Socialism. There was a promise of an end to murder by state and a lawlessness built on government power and lies.

As a faith based organization, we were severely restricted from any open ministry until 1989. The Soviets killed 92,000 Russian Orthodox Priests and destroyed 12,000 church buildings.

In 1990 I met a Christian Psychologist who invited me to Moscow and a year later I flew from Oslo to Moscow to meet a group of Christians in Psychology. At that meeting was a Psychiatrist who said she wanted to visit us in Cincinnati and learn how we treated people in our Christ centered in-patient units. She came in 1992 and returned to establish an organization designed to train Peer Helpers and Lay Pastors.

Because we always train new people to multiply themselves dozens of times the group has spread all over the Russian Republic. Pray for them. Support them by sending a generous donation. 

They must remain anonymous still.

Virtuous Circle 1 For Geometric Expansion

A beneficial cycle of events or incidents, each having a positive effect on the next.

Example: Compound Interest

How do you design the events in your system to always have a positive impact on consumers and actors?

See my articles and books to learn how!

Why did Jesus practice, teach and model a specific type of education?

Why did Jesus command us to practice that model and not another type of education?

Because He created mathematics!

Why did St. Paul command us to practice the same mode?
He gave gifts to the church of Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors and Teachers to equip/disciple God's people so they can do God's works.

Because he understood math!

It’s like the game: put a single grain of rice into the first chess block. Double it in the next one: two grains of rice. Double it again: four grains. There are 64 blocks in a chess board. Once you go through all 64, you will have 18,446,744,073,709,551,616 grains of rice or about 636,094,623,231,363 pounds. As in trillions.

That’s how exponential math works. It gets big, very quickly.

Why do so few churches obey Jesus' command and talk to big groups rather than disciple future leaders?

Why so many talkers and so few disciple makers?

My friend, Galina, is coming from Russia to tell us how God is using them to disciple that entire nation. Contact us if you want to meet her.

The New Way to Deliver Health Care

The Triple Aim The future of payment and good treatment will be judged by insurance companies and government agencies on three markers. They are called, The Triple Aim.

Aim 1. Increased quality of medical care with less duplication.

Aim 2. Increased Patient and Family Satisfaction about the treatment, care, empathy, warmth and respect shown by the Medical system.

Aim 3. Reduced cost per incident and reduced costs for the entire population.

These are not currently the model so the model must be changed.

Look at our web page to see what we are doing.