Leadership and Growth

I probably entered the field of counseling because I was a raging sympathizer who could not resist trying to help or heal anyone in pain. When I was a kid I attracted troubled friends like a golf course pond attracts geese. I just could not seem to resist the temptation to jump on my white horse and ride to the rescue; antibody's rescue.

The discerning reader will immediately see that I was what I call a chronic "Over Functioner". If I spotted anyone who was hurt, wounded, dysfunctional or generally "Under Functioning" I felt so badly for them I tried to do something, anything to make them feel better. As our friend Dr. Phil would say, "How was that working for you?" Not well I am afraid.

After being in the helping Professions for some years I hit a wall of burn out. That was marked by frustration that most people did not change even when i spent exorbitant time with them. I was neglecting my family from extreme over work and yet people were unhappy with me and accused me of not caring enough. I did so much for people yet they often remained stuck in misery and pain.

Why did they refuse to take my advise? The came and begged me to help them and give them my great wisdom, prayers and insights. Yet, they generally refused to change, take the advice of even remember it.

Here I am some forty years later and older, wise and more balanced man. I still sometimes get over involved in trying to advise people and urge them to change. But, when failure occurs I can more quickly recover my sense of balance and stop trying to rescue them. "How did I change," you ask. God did it over a long period of time.

First, it was through failure. I was pretty sure I knew what other people "should do" when they had a problem. After all, I was an expert with several advance degrees. I had been told I was an expert who could officially and with government approval, "Diagnose and Treat Mental and Emotional Problems". That kind of license is a sure path to arrogance and pride and God let me fail to bring some humility in my heart.

Second, God taught me the Golden Rule. You remember it. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". I was finally inspired to ask a question: "How do I want people to treat me?" That was an interesting question. Do I want them to treat me like a child who is unable to manage his own life? Do I want others to rescue me or think for me? Did I need others to do for me what I could do for myself? NO! Absolutely no!!!

If the answer is no then I am sinning against God and those whom I am trying to heal, change or rescue. I needed to repent and think differently as well as act differently. I must stop over-functioning for others who are under-functioning.
I thought it would be easy. I was wrong.

Third, I had to learn new skills and new information on how to help people grow and be healed. I went to classes, read research, asked questions and started to change my approach to people. I had to get more callous, hard headed and tough thinking. The following story about Corey Pavin, Coach of the 2010 Ryder Cup is a great example of a tough minded leader. Read this story from the Golf Channel about how he intends to treat the greatest golf player in the world.