Listen Up

What effect would dealing with Scrooge on a daily basis have on a person?Would they tend to get defensive and uptight? Would they tend to react like Scrooge and treat others as badly as they are being treated?

Remember the research by Dr. Rich Walters? He had some actors record various levels of caring and uncaring statements and then paid students to listen to those statement to see what would happen to their autonomic nervous system. What happened was pretty clear.

When the students heard the recorded voice speak in a cold, harsh, rejecting manner their pupils got bigger as if ready to fight or flee.When they heard the recorded voice say something warm, respectful and inviting their pupils got smaller, indicating increased trust and openness to the speaker.

I can only imagine how bit the pupils of Scrooges relatives and employees were on a regular basis. For sure, "Death or life is in the power of the tongue."

The greatest skill for building trust and openness is the ability to listen without interrupting the speaker. Of all the communication skills we learn in life, listening is used most and spelling least. Yet, schools spend a lot more time teaching reading and writing and spelling than they do listening.

Try an experiment. The next time you meet with someone with whom you have a poor relationship, just listen twice as much as usual. let them finish their stories without interrupting and ask them some open ended questions about their life. If that does not change your relationship for the better I will buy you lunch.