Counseling Couples in Distress

Couple distress continues to number among the most frequently encountered difficulties. The divorce rate in America continues to hover around 50%, with half of these divorces occurring in the first 7 years of marriage.

Rates of marital distress in presently married couples approximate 20% of couples at any time, with marital satisfaction decreasing considerably over the first decade of marriage (Bradbury, Fincham, & Beach, 2000).

As a Minister as well as a Family Therapist, I am deeply concerned about the high number of couples, Christian and non Christian who live day in and day out with emotional and spiritual distress. About 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce and 1/2 of those occur within the first seven years.

Every single Minister I know is deeply concerned about this situation and yet they do little if anything to prevent it. For decades we have known what causes most divorces and thus we can help newly weds deal with the issues through pre-marital preparation.

Thankfully, Roman Catholics have a series of pre-marital classes that each couple planning to marry must take before the knot is tied. The Vineyard Community Church here in Cincinnati also has pre-marital preparation but few others do as far as I know.

Would those of you in Ministry who do NOT prepare your couples let me know why?

Why are Cliches so Rampant in Christianity?

I read an interesting post on a blog called "The Phillipian Jailer" on cliches. He mentioned one I dislike intensely because it IMO so badly mangles the good news of the gospel. I responded as posted below.


Way back in the Seventies I met an Inter Varsity Christian Campus Ministry leader who was wont to ask more questions that give cliches. His name was Barney Ford and he ended up as Vice President of IV.

One of his questions was, "If you want to know how to add or subtract or multiply, we need to know something more basic; "What is the base number system you are using?"

Cliches are not intended to get at real answers but to put off difficult questions. I have been a Family Therapist and Minister for many years. This brings me into contact with a lot of people who need God's counsel on marriage and parenting. This is where cliches reign big time.

Who do you think only knows that a wife must "submit"? The husband.

Who knows that the husband is always supposed to "lay down his life for his wife"? The woman.

There is no need to understand the deeper things of God, the Bible, marital relationships, etc. Just quote one text out of context and that text is used as a pretext.

We need an understanding of what we and the Bible means by "SIN" and how that impacts humans. We must also understand what it means to a non-believer as a human and a believer as a Christian human for they are very, radically different.

In Genesis 1 and 2 there is no sin but the garden party goes sour in Chapter 3. Here and throughout the Bible we see that the Fallen Nature of all humanity is impacted in 4 ways.

All humans are Rebellious and choose their own ways.

Everyone is in Bondage in every way; body, soul, spirit, relationships, family, generation ally, etc.
Every person suffers from true Moral Guilt and deserves the Justice or wrath of God.

Every person suffers from Shame, a loss of personal identity and inheritance.

Thankfully, God sent Jesus to redeem us from Rebellion with Conversion, Bondage with Regeneration, True Moral Guilt Justice with Justification and Shame with Adoption.

Believers have remnants of these but are now God's children, in His forever family and on the progressive road to health, maturity and freedom in every way.

Cliches will not speak to the whole gospel or to the whole person. Thus, we have a truncated view of fallen nature, a truncated view of the gospel and a truncated view of Christian redemption.

Cliches then are forced to fit into the shallow view of fallen nature and a weak gospel.