Stop the B S!

Conflicts are Inevitable but Break-ups are Optional

Successful relationships only happen when people learn how to resolve Conflicts without Reacting and jumping ahead of a healthy Complaint.  Complaints  keep relationships clean and growing. A Complaint does not fall into B. S. (Blame and Shame).

However, when our frustration turns to Criticism (Blame) or Contempt (Shame) bad things happen.  BS stinks.

I presented these ideas at a conference in Asia. Before the talk, I received a note from a woman whose husband had divorced her for another person. She asked:

How do I deal with such an evil man now that we are divorced? Should I allow him to our their children? He is really a bad person and I think his presence will damage the children.

After my teaching she wrote another note.

I now know why my husband wanted to be with someone else. I never gave him a chance to tell his side of things and I attacked him about a lot of issues. Thanks for telling me this information. I am going to ask him for forgiveness and tell him that he can see the children.

This could have been a man, of course. Criticism and Contempt are not more likely from females than males. In fact, many think it is a more common fault of men. The point is not gender but gentler!

No one is ever accused of being too gentle in a divorce case. But many people tell me their former spouse was nasty and disrespectful to them. Sins of the mouth can be as damaging to intimate relationships as sex. “Death and life are in the tongue.”

More can be found at our web page to help you understand how to be gentle.