As we examine these data, it has to make us wonder why so many people fail to make marriage work. I have never heard a person say at their wedding vows, "I take you to be my first wife/husband". We start with good intentions but too often end up with a disaster.
Dr. John Gottman, a Psychologist, has written several books and papers on this topic. He says he can tell within a few minutes if a couple will divorce. Then he lays out the reasons he has discovered over three decades of research with couples. Before I offer his reasons, I would love to hear your expert opinions as to the main reasons folks fail at marriage. Read Hope and Change for Humpty Dumpty for insights.
Feel free to write on the comments here or on Facebook.
4 comments:
Marriage is hard. Relationships are difficult. They are fine when things are going well. But most of us are blind to our own "stuff"--wounds from our childhood, patterns of behavior we haven't outgrown, and the like. When conflict arises, we act in unhealthy ways. The other person reacts to this out of their "stuff", and a negative spiral ensues. How can we love our wives the way Christ loved the church when we don't believe it for ourselves? The Epistles of Paul seem to be more outward focused in action than inward focused. Yes or no?
Good points. Relationships are challenging, especially when we are together all the time. You are also right on that we are blind to our own stuff. As Robert Bernstein wrote:" if I had the gift that you can give me; to see myself as others see me.
Did you get any pre marital preparation?
Yes. But you don't know what you don't know. It didn't go deep enough, and I wasn't ready to hear it. That was 18 years ago. We are getting the preparation now--OJT!
The very best way to build disciples is to teach couples how to have a great marriage. Teach communication, problem solving, conflict management, Myers Briggs Temperament, etc. Healthy marriages make healthy churches.
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