Don't Sue but Be Healed!

I have often said that should a member of my family be a victim of abuse I would refuse to recommend that they sue the person or organization that accosted them. All the million dollar suits that are getting headlines would disappear and the lawyers who are living large would have to make an honest living.

Why do I say that? I am concerned that going to court and winning the suit and getting a lot of money from a sympathetic jury requires the victim to act in a certain way. What would you guess would be necessary to get the abusers' insurance company to pay out a bunch of money? If you went to court and looked the jury in the eye, what kind of story would you tell?

Would you says, "Oh, that guy attacked me and raped me. It was awful at the time but I am fine now. I have received a lot of love, prayers from my Pastor and as a matter of fact I have grown as a person and as a Christian as a result. I would never recommend it as a way to grow spiritually and emotionally but it did add to my character in a big way."

What effect would that kind of Victorious Testimony have on a jury? Would they all be in tears and say, "This guy deserves a couple of million dollars from the group that hired the brute who did that to him. Sock it to them!"

I doubt it, yet that would be a true testimony for many if not most victims of abuse. But that is not what the victims often say in court and in the press. They and their Lawyers and hired Psychologists claim that this poor victim will suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTST) for the rest of his/her life. It not is not true for the overwhelming majority of victims. In fact, less than 50% of such victims ever experience any PTSD at all after an abuse.


One study done with adult women survivors of incest and/or sexual abuse had no PTSD symptoms when they were in a safe, stable relationship with an adult. Additionally, they needed a rational belief system that appropriately placed responsibility with the abuser and did not carry false guilt. It was also important that the victim had hope for change and healing.

Now let's revisit NOT suing the abuser or his organization. Such behavior mitigates against getting better because it will inevitably diminish the victim's hope and cause her/him to experience both true guilt and false guilt.

As a Therapist I would be ashamed to testify that a victim of abuse was hopeless and helpless to live a normal, PTSD free life. That would be admitting that good Counseling is impossible to help a hurting victim and that is not so. Good Counselors are very effective at fostering health, freedom and joy so falsely testifying that change is impossible damages the Clients.