How to be Miserable

Pain is inevitable but misery is optional. Anonymous

We have met the enemy and it is us. Pogo the Possum (Walt Kelly)

Stress is a communicable disease that disables millions and rushes many to an early grave. Every year we see lists of the top ten most stressful jobs. We read articles by Doctors and Counselors about how to reduce stress and those who take the Bible seriously know it says, “don’t be anxious about anything…” so we get more anxious and stressed out because we are anxious.

Let me offer some insights about the issue of stress, anxiety, depression and its opposites. In most things, stress does not come from events outside us. Second, the most powerful source of stress or relaxation; anxiety or peace; depression or joy comes from one place; an organ in my own body! My brain! Take a look at this simple ABCD diagram.

A = Activating Events: My job, family actions, weather, illness, etc.

B = Belief System: What I think, say and believe about that Activating Event

C = Consequential Feelings: How my Beliefs make me FEEL about the Actions

D = Decisive Behavior: Arises from my Beliefs and Consequential Feelings

In real life, stuff happens and we automatically react with C and D in a millisecond. The reaction is not CONSCIOUS in my Beliefs, but my Belief System is active in the feelings and actions. So, what can I do to stop being overstressed and upset? Changing my reactions to events is hard. Since stress is everywhere, why not boost it to levels of misery and a total funk? Here are my guidelines on how to do that.

It is well known that we can make ourselves miserable by the ways we think. Allow me to suggest if you want to be miserable you can do it by allowing yourself to think about all the failures of the past. It is simple, just say to yourself, "If Only I had not...

Married my husband

Dropped out of college

Failed to study in school

Had kids so young

Waited to have kids

Not had so many kids

Had more kids

Saved more money

Bought better things

Did not spend so much on good things

This is called "Stinking Thinking" and it is focusing so hard on changing the past that we drive ourselves into depression and or anxiety. Have we ever been able to change our past? (OK! I know Michael Fox did in "Back to the Future". that movie must have been written by a person whose self talk is filled with "If Only___" )

If we practice this kind of irrational and impossible thinking it causes our brain to develop deep pathways or highways that automatically cause us to fall back into "Stinking Thinking". It takes real effort to STOP it and meditate on the reality of God's grace and mercy. Here is one way to STOP Stinking Thinking.

When an If Only idea comes into your mind: Say STOP. Then fill in the blank with reality.

If Only I had not Married Joe______.

Say STOP!

Fill the blank with: "I did marry Joe and I will make the best of it. I will trust God to take that decision and bless it and me to His glory!"

If only I had saved more money _____.

STOP! I did not save much in the past but will save money now and make it up with God's help."

STOP Misery. Start Joy and Enjoyment! You can do it.