Friday, December 12, 2014

How to Use Conflict to Get Nasty







Have you ever attempted to give someone advice? Afterwards did you think, "They would be in good shape if they only did what I said!" 

Have you ever tried to raise your parents? Do they take your advice or get REACTIVE!!!???

What the hecK?

Reactivity can take two forms.

We React to others attempting to Rescue us. 

And we tend to React to Rejection. 

Both arise from inner anxiety and a lack of peace.  When we are “Too close” to another person, it gives them too much influence and control over our emotions.  We feel "hurt" by them. 

Reactivity Scale

How much anxiety, anger, hurt or sympathy do we experience when rejected or embarrassed. President Bill Clinton is normally a calm man. However, when challenged about a failure in his political record he REACTS with fervor. We can scale how much fervor occurs.

On the Reactivity Scale, Zero means “Perfect Peace” and Ten means “High Anxiety/ Anger” Mr. Clinton was a Nine when Chris Wallace asked him about his failure to kill Ben Ladin. However, when he is in control, the smiles and warm gestures show low anxiety. 

Where do you fall when under pressure?

Perfect Peace-------Medium --------High Anxiety

0----1----2----3----4----5----6----7----8----9----10

At peace we can make decisions that are wise, clear and filled with love and truth. The list of Galatians 5 Spiritual Fruit lays out what a mature believer looks like on the inside. The heart and mind are filled with love, joy, peace, patience and kindness. They are the outgrowth of the God's presence in us. Inner peace leads to outer grace because "Death and life are in the power of the tongue". 

Harsh words can leave deep emotional wounds. St. James said The tongue is a restless evil setting the cycle of nature on fire.  The “cycle of nature” leads to pain and toxic conflicts. In fact, divorces commonly occur because of toxic conflicts brought about by harsh attacks with the tongue. Solomon also warned us about the tongue.

            Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18:21
                                   
The Cycle of Conflict indicates when we move from danger to severe harm in relationships.  Do you ever call people degrading names? Personal tacks move us close to hell on earth. 

Church and/or work conflicts can produce the same cycle of anger, resentment and revenge. Church groups are extended families with spiritual connections and have emotional and physical ramifications. 

It is hard to leave stress behind. But with prayer and meditation peace can reign in our hearts.  

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