Cross Culturl Fight -Flight

What are these men doing?

I went back to the computer store to get my computer and got my number from the Que.  The young lady, a Chinese woman of about 22, waited on me and asked in a very low voice what I needed. I gave her my ticket and waited for her answer. When she simply replied, "There" I looked around but did not see  where "there" was.

The young woman did not look at me nor did she point with her index finger. I was very confused and became anxious because she refused to look at me or show me where I was to pick up the laptop. A long line was forming behind me and the taxi was waiting with the meter running.

I could feel the anger/frustration rising in me and wondered what to do. Did the clerk misunderstand me? was she ignoring me? Worse, what was I too dumb to see? Should I Fight/Flee without a computer? Demand to see the manager? Help!

Help came when a Singaporean man whispered, "She is pointing with her thumb."

Then it hit me. Index finger pointing is considered to be rude here. Yikes! My frustration turned to embarrassment.

On reflection, I saw how easy it was for me to get all uptight over missed cultural cues. My Perceptions had not yet been honed to understand Singaporean communication. Now I know more about the cultural and social cues of Asians in general and Singaporeans specifically and I have a lot of respect for them.

The young woman was showing me respect as an older Uncle with white hair so she did not look directly at me to indicate deference. She would not show disrespect by using her index finger to point so the traditional" thumb pointer"was used to my shock.

We in the USA are a jumble of ethnic, racial, religious, regional and interpersonal traditions and communication cues. When we cross those lines it is almost impossible not to offend and have misunderstandings. It also happens with male/female cues and traditions. This is why some couples can have a serious misunderstanding and even fight over the simplest issue.

Confusion often turns into fight or flight shock. Defensiveness or running away. Attacking or hiding.  Most family fights happen over nothing more than miscommunication.

Always assume the best intentions not the worst when there is a miscue. I was not wise enough to do that in one of my early trips to Singapore.  I am hopefully better trained now. Cross cultural communications is fraught with misunderstandings and the terrible conflicts that comes as a result.

Get our book, Hope and Change for Humpty Dumpty to understand more about the processes of communication and Healing Release of the Holy Spirit to understand how cultures develop their social ideal. Or, get the book Dare to Explore about evangelism with Muslims to become well versed on that culture and religion. All available from our book store. 

One of these books can save your life.

I know that you think you know what I said
But what I said is not what I meant
And and what I meant was not really what I wish I had said then but didn't.