Stress Begone

The high school from which I graduated, Mt. Vernon, Illinois, many decades ago has worked to keep in touch with each other over the years. The internet has allowed us to maintain many good relationships. At our ages it also means grieving the losses of family, friends and pets. Yes, I said pets. Let's admit that some of our best relationships have come from loving pet so when we lose them we grieve.

Some of my favorite churches have a strong desire to be a community of love and healing for us when we grieve. Unfortunately the goal can be derailed by the stress of grief. As I look at the past few years and months of some churches history I see a very high number of losses that are effecting the mental, relational and spiritual health of each person and family and the church family. Trust, peace and unity are usually the first casualties of this warfare. This is the “collateral damage” that comes from death, loss of members, family dysfunctions and disappointing events.

Research indicates that anxious stress can weaken our immune system and allow germs and viruses that are otherwise dormant to cause symptoms and sicknesses. Researchers made a list for life change events and gave each event a stress number.

Below are a number of normal life-change events. Place a circle around the numbers in the mean value column for each of those events that have happened to you during the last 12 months. The total number will be explained below. Holmes & Rahe (1967) Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 11:213-219. My last post mentioned that joy and happiness are strongly correlated with having good relationships. However, the deeper the relationship[s, the deeper the grief when the relationship ends.

After looking over the following list make you own list and figure up the points.

1. Death of spouse 100
2. Divorce 73
3. Marital separation 65
4. Detention in jail or other institution 63
5. Death of a close family member 63
6. Major personal injury or illness 53
7. Marriage 50
8. Being fired from work 47
9. Marital reconciliation 45
10. Retirement 45
11. Major change in the health or behavior of family member 44
12. Pregnancy of spouse/partner 40
13. Sexual difficulties 39
14. Gaining a new family member (through birth, adoption etc) 39
15. Major business readjustment (merger, reorganization, etc) 35
16. Major change in financial state (a lot worse off or a lot better off) 37
17. Death of a close friend 37
18. Changing to a different type of work 36
19. Major change in the number of arguments with spouse (a lot more or less) 35
20. Taking on a significant (to you) mortgage 31
21. Foreclosure on a mortgage or loan 30
22. Major change in responsibilities at work (promotion, demotion, transfer) 29
23. Son or daughter leaving home (marriage, attending college, etc) 29
24. In-law troubles 29
25. Outstanding personal achievement 28
26. Partner beginning or ceasing work outside the home 26
27. Beginning or ceasing formal schooling 25
28. Major change in living conditions (building a new home, remodeling) 25
29. Revision of personal habits (dress, manners, association etc) 25
30. Troubles with the boss 23
31. Change in residence 20
32. Changing to a new school 19
33. Major change in usual type and/or amount of recreation 19
34. Major change in church or spiritual activities (a lot more or less than usual) 19
35. Major change in social activities (clubs, dancing, movies, visiting, etc) 18
36. Taking on a small mortgage or loan (purchasing a car, TV, freezer, etc) 17
37. Major change in sleeping habits (lot more or a lot less sleep, or change) 16
38. Major change in number of family get togethers (a lot more or a lot less) 15
39. Major change in eating habits (a lot more or a lot less food intake) 15
40. Holiday or vacation 13
41. Christmas or other major holiday celebration 12
42. Minor violations of the law (traffic tickets, jaywalking, etc) 11

Add the circled items to obtain your score

Stressful events affect us body and soul and their effects last for months or even years. The trauma that resulted from 911 were immediate and long term. The greatest effects after the bombing of Oklahoma City were noticed nine months following the blast when depression, suicide, alcohol related problems and family conflicts were the highest. Stress events are similar to throwing a rock into a pool of water making waves that slap up on the shore long after the initial event has passed.

According to the Holmes-Rahe statistical prediction model, a score of 150 or less means a relatively low amount of life change and a low susceptibility (about 30% probability) to stress-related illness within two years.

A score of 151 to 299 implies a 50% probability of a stress related illness. A score of 300 or above implies an 80% probability of experiencing a negative health change.

These predictions are not definite. What produces a change in health status is an interaction of many things such as how significant those life events are to you, your personal capacity to cope with change, and the available support through family, work and friends. However, completing the inventory can give you some insight into the STRESSORS that are potentially dangerous to your health and well-being.

One of the key points to remember is that stress makes us more susceptible to infections and communicable diseases. In fact, many people who get sick during an epidemic are not infected with the virus but have heart attacks, strokes, family disputes, back problems, etc. Although we may not see physical illness increase there is no doubt that mental, relational, organizational and spiritual dis-ease is a result of trauma.

Go to my web page for materials and video tapes on successfully dealing with stress.

What is effective Evangelism?

There is a tremendous reaction today against using terms like evangelism, sin, being saved or even the term Christian. I think I understand the hesitancy to use old, worn out or culturally offensive terms. Every new generation needs to generate its own language and communication strategy.

Back in my days at the University of Cincinnati, Barney Ford, head of the Inter Varsity Christian Fellowship chapter on campus, once commented to me that we need a MOT Manual. (Managing Our Terms Manual) to stop all the confusion among Christians and others about our work.

I have no negative reaction against the new terms or the Seeker Sensitive churches that use them. My concern is that we are still as fervent about doing the real stuff even when we no longer describe it in old fashioned ways. However, let us older Christ Followers openly admit that even though we used terms like Evangelism we were usually confused about what it is Biblical and in actual practice.

In my culture, evangelism usually meant "Verbally reciting a specific verse of scripture or series of terms well known by people inside the Christian community but largely unknown outside that system". Preachers were expected to recite those words at the end of every religious service while giving an altar call asking people to "Come forward to the altar and pray to receive Christ as their savior." This ritual was followed at almost every Sunday school class, worship service, wedding, funeral or public prayer.

Not following that ritual was seen by many as sure evidence that the speaker was a liberal or Roman Catholic. However, as I became older and read the Bible for myself I rarely found such rituals contained in the pages of Holy Writ.

What about your background? Were the rituals of evangelism similar or different? How did you find out what it meant to be a Christian?

What do you think is the best way to "Share your faith? "

Let me know what works for you?

Gary Sweeten

Disability Ministry

There is evidently a very rapid growth in the number and percentage of children and youth with specified Psychiatric Disorders. A recent study in Volume 49, Issue 7, Pages 686-698 (July 2010)

Prevalence of DSM-IV Disorder in a Representative, Healthy Birth Cohort at School Entry: Sociodemographic Risks and Social Adaptation


Approximately one in five (21.6 %) children met criteria for psychiatric disorder(s) with impairment. Sociodemographic and psychosocial correlates included persistent poverty beginning in early childhood, limited parental education, low family expressiveness, stressful life events, and violence exposure. Finally, diagnostic status was significantly associated with poorer social competence and family burden.

Conclusions

Comments by a Christian Child Psychiatrist, Dr. Grcevich said:

That approximately one in five children evidenced a psychiatric disorder with impairment during the transition to formal schooling highlights the importance of integrating psychiatric epidemiological and developmental approaches to inform conversations about school readiness and intervention planning
How will the church serve a generation of families with kids who have issues with emotions or behavior that interfere with their ability to function on a day to day basis?

Kids with “hidden disabilities” like these are gradually becoming the new normal. Check out this study in the current issue of the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. To summarize:

22 % of U.S. children entering first grade met criteria for at least one mental disorder. Kids with autism spectrum disorders or developmental disabilities were excluded from this sample.

The most common condition experienced was Simple Phobia (9.0%). Other common conditions included ADHD (8.7%), Oppositional Defiant Disorder (8.4%), Separation Anxiety Disorder (2.1%) and Tic Disorders (1.7%).

An important point the authors of the study made was to note that the 22% figure applies only to kids who demonstrated problems that interfered significantly with their ability to function normally on a day to day basis. In lay terms, that means the child is able to learn at a level consistent with their intelligence in school, make and keep friends in an age-appropriate manner, function in an age-appropriate way as a member of their family and participate in extracurricular activities common for that community…like church.

The numbers quoted in this study from Yale are pretty consistent with data reported elsewhere. If you were to look at the kids involved with children’s programming at your church, do you think anywhere near 22% of the children being served experience one or more of these conditions? If not, let me welcome you to the new mission field down the street and around the block from your church.

It is important for many reasons Christians to be involved with people with chronic illnesses and disabilities. God calls us to minister to hurting people, it is a joy to know these people and we can offer them relief, support and healing prayer.

Most people with chronic illnesses are isolated from society. They cannot get around easily and they are tired. The need us to go to them rather than expect them to come to us. This is a challenge for many churches since the traditional approach is to get people to ATTEND church.

Think of a member of your church that would benefit from a regular visit from another member. The Stephen Ministry trains Peers to reach out in love to develop fellowship, support and prayer with home bound members. Can you or others in your church provide this kind of service to younger families as well?

A Model for Modern Life?

Possibly the very best description of a person who cares little for anyone but himself was written many years ago by a Christian author who powerfully communicated what it meant to be redeemed. Charles Dickens wanted to write a story of positive hope and change in redemption but first he needed to place in the reader's mind a character so cold and uncaring, so callous and cruel that there could be no doubt about the fact that only a supernatural force could bring about love from a lump of coal. Dickens did this in a marvelous manner when he introduced us to Ebeneezer Scrooge.

STAVE ONE-MARLEY'S GHOST

MARLEY was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change for anything he chose to put his hand to.

Old Marley was as dead as a doornail.

Scrooge knew he was dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Scrooge and he were partners for I don't know how many years. Scrooge was his sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole assign, his sole residuary legatee, his sole friend, his sole mourner.

Scrooge never painted out old Marley's name, however. There it yet stood, years after wards, above the warehouse door, -- Scrooge and Marley. The firm was known as Scrooge and Marley. Sometimes people new to the business called Scrooge Scrooge, and sometimes Marley. He answered to both names. It was all the same to him.
Oh ! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, was Scrooge! A squeezing, wrenching grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner! External heat and cold had little influence on him. No warmth could warm, no cold could chill him. No wind that blew was bitterer than he no falling snow was more intent upon its purpose, no pelting rain less open to entreaty. Foul weather didn't know where to have him. The heaviest rain and snow and hail and sleet could boast of the advantage over him in only one respect, -- they often "came down" handsomely, and Scrooge never did.

Nobody ever stopped him in the street to say, with gladsome looks, "My dear Scrooge, how are you? When will you come to see me?" No beggars implored him to bestow a trifle, no children asked him what it was o'clock, no man or woman ever once in all his life inquired the way to such and such a place, of Scrooge. Even the blind men's dogs appeared to know him; and when they saw him coming on, would tug their owners into doorways and up courts; and then would wag their tails as though they said, "No eye at all is better than an evil eye, dark master!"
But what did Scrooge care! It was the very thing he liked. To edge his way along the crowded paths of life, warning all human sympathy to keep its distance.

**This description of Scrooge is the best illustration I have ever seen of a hardened, callous sinner whose heart and mind and spirit are so deadened to human life and nurture that he prefers loneliness and rejection to warm fellowship.

Just imagine the cold, hard, penetrating eyes and lack of compassion that covered his face like a steel mask. No knight in armor ever had a more forbidding visage than Scrooge. Here is a person we moderns can appreciate because we see it in operation far too often on TV news and in the papers.

Recently an airline steward, who is charged with serving the passengers and keeping them safe, cursed them, grabbed a beer and exited the airplane before the people on board. This guy seems like a modern Scrooge. He cared for himself not others. He failed to serve their interests and abandoned them when they needed his leadership. He, like Scrooge, needed a supernatural intervention of love.

What Brings Healing?

In I Corinthians 13 we read that "these three remain, faith, hope and love; but the greatest is love."

What does that mean? Is God pointing us to look for love with another person because that is the greatest thing we can experience?

Does it mean care and concern for one another?

Does it mean that loving God is the greatest?

Or, does it mean that when we are loving and being loved with an unconditional care we will grow and be healed?

Maybe it has some meaning for all of those things. Human love is called phila or brotherly affection in the Greek language. It is highly recommended in the Bible.

Romantic love is called eros in the Greek language of the Bible and we know of its power to motivate people and even the power to divide, cause jealousy and pain.

Godly love or what scripture calls "Covenant love" is agape in Greek. It means a commitment to lay down one's selfish desires and follow God or do His will toward others. I think this is the best way to understand I Corinthians 13 for agape love is the greatest.

When we minister to others we do need to show some phila or brotherly affection and care. Research shows that phila is a healing force. the book of James mentions this and tells us to touch people warmly when we pray for healing.

Many years ago I read a book on the power of touch to bring relief and improvement to desperately ill patients in a hospital. So, phila is included in agape for wee may not wish to show warm, caring affection toward a diseased person. I have ministered warm touch to patients with AIDS and can say frankly that it requires some agape as well as phila.

As Clinical Counselor I know that the quality of the relationship between the Helper and the Seeker is the single most important factor that facilitates the Seeker's health and welfare. It is not our knowledge, our wise words or even the statements we make from scripture that makes so much difference. It is how we treat the Seeker. If it is with the "Fruit of the Spirit as outlined in Galatians 5:22, the person will more than likely get better. That is good news.

Asking Good Spiritual Questions

A Seeker's beliefs are critical to his/her ability to receive our care and counsel. Every person to whom we offer assistance needs to be respectfully asked about his/her faith, support system, and extra medical interventions. Most of the people who come to us know our commitment to God’s love and truth.

Research indicates that there are four factors leading to a successful outcome in therapy.

• A therapeutic intervention like medicine, advice, or insight. (15% of the outcome)
• Hope and trust in the therapist and her techniques. (15% of the outcome)
• The caring relationship between the therapist and client. (30% of the outcome)
• The client’s motivational level and his support system. (40% of the outcome)

Only 15% of successful outcomes are the result of counseling or medical techniques. A Seeker's trust in us is as important as the therapist’s intervention.

Secondly, the relationship of Genuineness, Respect, Empathy and Warmth between Helper and Seeker is twice as important as the intervention.

Third, the Seeker’s motivational level and support system, including her church, is almost three times as important as the therapist’s techniques.

By carefully analyzing the Seeker’s beliefs about faith we can more successfully enhance all four factors.

1. We know how to pray and suggest spiritual activities.

2. We build the Helper’s trust in us and our interventions and promote the placebo effect.

3. We show respect, warmth, empathy and genuine concern by asking good questions.

4. We tap into the client’s level of motivation and religious support system.

Use the acrostic FAITH to guide the interview.

F: Faith: Do you have faith in God, a higher power or something that encourages you to believe? How would you describe it? How often do you practice your faith?

A: Asking for an intervention. Have you or would you Ask for healing, health or assistance in your struggle with this illness? How do you do that?

I: Interacting with a community of faith? Do you attend services, a small group or a mentor? How often? Do you find it helpful? What is not helpful?

T: Trust in God’s love? Do you relate this problem with punishment or guilt? Are you trusting in God to be with you during this time or anxious about His presence?

H: How do you want us to relate to your faith and spiritual practices? Prayers? Materials? Advice?